Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
it hurts more in the daytime
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
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