its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
