seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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