that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
