woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
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