i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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