why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize