You're a womanizer and a bitch.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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