It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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