Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
