If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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