I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
