I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Randomize
