I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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