final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
