I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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