I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
