before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
