i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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