Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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