I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Never joke about your clitoris.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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