What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
