I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
