just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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