I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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