he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
