so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
