it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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