Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
