so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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