i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Randomize
