it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
