So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
