CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
