While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
