his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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