That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize