Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize