Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
