Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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