I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I think I am morally bankrupt
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
