If i come over, it means nothing
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
