She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
