Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Did I show you my penis last night?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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