I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
