Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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