I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
We had to coat check the pizza.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
