My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
