Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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