My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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