who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
