Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
