I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
