i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
