she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
