Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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