Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
