i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize