I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
