so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
