quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
