I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
