Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
