I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Randomize
