My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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