Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize