I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
