Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
