8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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