I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
