My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
