I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
