hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
