The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
When did angry sex become our thing?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
