your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
