We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
